That moment you sit back and look at yourself. I know I can be blunt, I’m highly sarcastic, I usually have a lot to say. Most the time I forget others are around and think im just talking to myself. Maybe I share what’s on my mind too much.
I just don’t have that 20 group of friends like majority of people apparently have. The 6 or so I do have I appreciate you all. I just can’t make new friends. So I’m probably not liked. I’ve been in many situations…. first one there last one picked. Most recent situation… yeah I sat there in a room of people and I just stood there and had to say …. I don’t have a group to join…..
Maybe that’s why I stick to talking to randoms online, why I try so many job opportunities to work online… I guess I’m just not liked in real life.
I wish I could have kept my friends I made in jr high… I missed out on a lot, I was the only black girl and I couldn’t go to their houses in these small town bc they were too racist. It sucked bc I miss those connections. Bc I missed out we drifted and I turned to the wrong crowds and… well I don’t like my life. I was going to structure this… but now I think I’m just talking to myself like always and blabbering whatever comes to mind. Surrounded by kids who can tell mommy isn’t happy.
I like helping people, I like when I get around people who accept me but that rarely happens. I can’t even connect in groups where I see so many people with like minds. I comment- nothing, more people comment the same thing I said and boom Instand conversation. Even when I talk in the middle of it, ignored. Does it matter that yet I’m still the only black girl. More people see color than they want to admit and I feel it all of the time.
I’m not the white girl… time to mingle with my own kind… but I don’t feel comfortable. It’s not what I’m use to, I grew up around family, and let’s face it family was always different than social peers. I like rock… not so much rap, I don’t know certain lingo…. I’m forever an outsider and most likely will always be stuck without a career that others will support and help me with no matter how cheerful I try to be. I don’t understand this thing called life…..